A month or so ago, I created drafts for about everything idea I had for blog posts at that exact moment in time. This post is none of them.
I started off the year, the semester, the decade with the goal of posting at least once a week. In the high of the newness of everything, I thought that would be minimum. That I would set that goal at the beginning of the year and by June I would postng three times a week.
Now, to be fair to myself, it is only March and there’s going to be a lot of growing between now and June. It is still possible. But don’t hold it aganist me if I don’t live up to that ideal, okay?
2020, and being 20 have been a lot. I have begun a running joke that appriotaely this year is going to drive me to drink. It’s been a lot.
20 feels different, and yet the same all at once. I really feel like an young adult know and not just an over-grown kid with way too much responsibility and freedom. I feel myself slowly, but surely, growing into myself. But its been rough.
20 has already forced me to look my biggest insecurites in the mirror , and for the first time I am calling someone else over. For the first time I am realzing that maybe I have been looking into a fun house mirror this whole time. I am slowly realizing that plenty of the things that I have blamed myself for, the expectations that I thought were too high and all the tongues I held when others spit posion my way, weren’t my fault.
I truly, whole hertdly plan on writting about all of these things at some point in the coming future.
Oh, and writing. Its coming back into my life. My love for music was kind of like a story of two people meeting and being married three months later, actually that’s exactly what is has been. And don’t get my wrong, I will forever be grateful for that but my priorities shift pretty quickly. All of my other hobbies and interests kind of took a back burner to music, and now I am slowly going back to them. Not leaving music, but reminding myself that I love writing and art, and photography, and heck maybe I will even go back to reading at some point.
The point of all this is, I am alive. I am in the in between of surviving and thriving, leaning more towards thriving everyday. I can I feel it and I can see it, that everyday little by, little, I am getting closer to the woman I want to be and the life I want to lead. I am not going to get there overnight but if I keep working at it everyday, one day I will wake up to it.
Good talk, expect to hear from me again soon.
