I feel like this year all of my blog posts have been rants, rambles, brain dumps, and life updates. I wish I could say that was ending today but it is not.
Seasonal depression is so real and now that the sun is shining and the birds are waking me up with their chirping it is a little bit easier to get through the day. It is so easy when literally most of the day is darkness to feel it seeping into you. In my case, I don’t want to do anything except maybe cry. Even with Prozac and only experiencing a fraction of winter, seasonal depression still reared its ugly head.
But that is in the past, now is the time to learn from it and move on. This past week I learned that I am going to be staying in Washington the whole summer, thanks to so amazing opportunities. I am really excited and yet at the same time I keep having moments of “what the heck is happening? is it too late to back out?”. Which at least from limited experience in adulting, seems normal.
I am hoping to slowly start ramping up the content again. I took an unintended break over the past few months, and sense it was unintended it hasn’t really been much of a break. Honestly *shrug* there was a lot going, and a lot of emotions. At the end of the day I love creating content and I am grateful that I get to do it, but there’s no grades and no paycheck involved in any of it. (If someone wanted to pay for me this I wouldn’t stop them…just btw) If this falls by the wayside it has the least amount of “real world” repressions compared to everything else on my plate.
It also can be kind of difficult to even figure out what to talk about and what to write about. I am in such a transitionary period of my life that everything seems a little out of sorts, like Alice in Wonderland. I just keep looking around and wondering which is up. Like take last weekend for example, two people on my timeline got engaged and I was on spring break, with the stomach flu watching Disney videos with my boyfriend. It is just so easy to feel like you have no idea what you should be doing, but that whatever you are doing, you are doing it wrong.
And lets not even start the freak out over the fact that next week I am signing up for fall semester classes for my senior year.
Or that any day I could be getting a notification from the copyright office that all is good, and then I can proceed forward with releasing the album.
Or that I have great ideas for an EP, but no real way to record them because all my equipment and most of guitars are 14000 miles away.
Or that my brother is graduating in like a month.
Or that I got notified today that I am eligible to get vaccinated.
Long story short, the only clear direction I have… is forward. So, I guess that’s where I am headed.
