For years I have casually said things like, ” I hate people”, “People are the worst”, etc.Very reminiscent of the scene in Disney’s version of Hercules, where the titular character says he just wants to be like everyone else, and his love interest replies with “You want to be petty and dishonest?”, me. That response is literally me.
Until recently. Maybe its growing and figuring myself out. Maybe its finally being around good people. Maybe its the realization that apparently you can’t get through life without other people. But lately I have realized I don’t hate people.
Let me explain, I still value my alone time. I still hate feeling like my time and myself belong or are owed to others. The days where I have class and homework and work and have to be around people for the majority of the day, are the days when I become tired and irritability quickly. I still very much an ambivert. I need my alone time so I can process everything that has happened ever.
But I enjoy being around people. I making jokes, and sharing stories. I like connecting with people and making memories.
I have been around, and have had to deal with crappy people for the majority of my life. Friendships and the like have never been my strong suit. And I am not about to start planning a cross country road trip with anyone, but making plans with people, and inviting other places seem more within my comfort zone.(There’s still a little bit of nervousness and apprehension but its a healthy level of it. The realization that maybe people aren’t all bad is a really big step towards healing, and moving on from all of it.v
Do I think I am ever going to be the girl with packed social calendar? No. Do I think I am ever going to be the most popular girl in town? No. But do I think I have people in my life right now that are going to stick around for a while? Yes. Do I think that people may come and go but as long as I happy with myself and my life I am going to be okay? Yes.
