I am not really sure where to even to start this. Its been like two months since you all heard from me last. That never was the plan. But as the final forte of fall softened and gave way to the harsh rhythms of winter, I found myself ready for intermission.
Some days its really difficutl to not feel like my life is composed of school and work. Some days it is tough to not feel like my life, my time and myself do not exclusively belong to others. Its tough to not compare my life and my own college existance to those of others and wonder if I am doing it wrong. There are days where I wonder if I am doing this whole life things wrong. That if the dreams that khave lead me to this point, if the goals that have kept me up at night are meaningless.
It is now a new semster, a new year, a new decade. I have wrote and rewrote the lists of goals and resloutions. And I swear they have all just about been variations of each toerh for about four or five years now.
There is apart of me that still truly believes that this is the year. That I am going to slowly but surely be able to cross every single item off that list. That in someway I am going to accomplish every thinng that I have ever dreamed off.
But I have met myself. I am human being. I get tired. I get stressed. I get overwhelmed. I get sick. I get busy. I sometimes have a hard time saying no to others, and saying yes to myself. Theres days where I just want the world to stop spininng, so I can catch my breathe. There are days where I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world around. That I am responsible for everyones opinions and expectaions of me, and if one thing slips the whole gig is up.
The point is in someways I just don’t care anymore. I reserve the right to give my opinions, stories, facts, feelings, and snark whenever I deem necessary. There is a very small group of people who’s opinions I care about. Other than that it doesn’t matter. And I need to stop letting the thought of other people’s opinions stop me from pursuring the life I want.
In terms of finding the time, it all becomes a bit more difficult. This semester I have an eight am three days a week. Meaning that I should like, get to bed at a reasonable hour. (Shocking I know) It feels like I am limiting myself on the number of hours in the day I have to work with. But *newsflash* I was never exactly staying up until one in the morning work on any of these goals to begin with. Clearly, because if I had they would be accomplishments by now.
Its really easy to make excuse when the only person you are letting down is yourself. As I go fourth into the wild blue yonder that is this semester, this year, this decade and this new chapter of my life known as my twenties, I want that to change. Yes, school and work, and friends and family are important. But so am I and these goals and these dreams that keep up at night are extensions of me and the person I want to be. By putting them on the back burner, I am really just looking myself in the mirror, and saying “I will get to you latter”. Obviously, school work still is going to have to come first, and I need to be on top of work. But I have twenty minutes here and there through out the week, where I if nothing else procrastinate productively.
All of this to say, there is going to be big things coming your way from me.
This semester.
This year.
This decade.
This lifetime.
If any of that peaks your interest, I strongly encourage you to stick around. Together we’re going to figure out what, when and how to make it all happen.
