I am writing this a week before you will see it. At this time on Monday I will have just finished my first class of the new semester. It’s weird to think about summer coming to end, so uneventfully. It’s weird to think about how we all thought three months ago that this semester would proceed as close to normal as possible. It’s crazy to think about that when this year began none of us could have predicted this is what the year would look like.
As it currently stands, I have heard from all but one of my professors. Had one class cancelled due to low enrollment, had to add two classes, had to drop a class. I have an internship lined up with a business to business public relations firm that specializes in consumer technology (Think Honeywell, LG, HE, etc.)
Because I am out of state this semester the school had no way to offer me remote work. I don’t have an definitive answers on what this means for spring semester, but neither does anyone else. In case you were wondering, because I am claimed as a dependent on my parent’s taxes I did not receive a stimulus check, even though I file my own taxes. The silver lining is I got paid for all the hours I would have worked in the spring. With only a few small adjustments, I can continue to squirrel away money at about the same, somewhat aggressive rate, until January.
I keep telling myself things will be better by January. That is my new marker, I just have to get to January and then life can resume something resembling the previous norm. But I don’t know that, no one knows that. I guess its just my way of manifesting good into the world. It’s just my way of coping with all of this.
I am trying to find silver linings in all of this. One that I keep coming back to is I have seen myself winding up as some sort of freelancer and or owning my company of some sort. In both of those roles, no one is really tell what to do, and when to do it, and where to do it. You really have to be self-motivated. So, I am kinda viewing this semester as test run for all of that.
Due to my lack of job, and my need to feel busy I am throwing myself into content creation. I am realizing how much of an interest and passion of mine all aspects of content creation an social media really are. I think I have always really had this interest and now I finally have the time to really explore and peruse it fully. I am really excited to see where this going adventure is going to take me.
That’s not to say I am not nervous, because I am. When I am at school, I tend to focus more on what’s directly in front of me. I focus on me,my needs, my schoolwork, my work-work, my friends and the like. I will admit when I am at school I may not always be the best daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece etc. Or at the very least, not to the standard I would like to be. I guess this all to say the distractions, and outside forces that exist on campus are different than the ones at home. Not necessarily in all bad ways, but not necessarily in all good ones either.
The idea of balancing my expectations of myself, my schoolwork, my work-work, my content and my expectations of myself in relation to family stresses me a little. I know it will all work out fine, but in this moment I wonder if maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew.
I worry about maintaining long-distance friendships and relationships. I worry that scheduling these things into my calendar will make them a chore, but not doing so will make it so they never even happen. I worry about whether or not this internship will be a good fit for me. I worry about a little different things.
I know one day, everything will be different. But until then we have to cope with the fact that this our current reality. Emails, and Zoom calls, and remote work, and different time zones. Somehow we have to find ways to stay inspired to keep pushing through.
Someday well will all look back on the memes, and Tweets, and photos, and Tik Toks, and posts, and notes, and journal entries, and songs, and videos. We will long for a time gone by and romanticize what we are currently feeling in this moment. Something that is nearly impossible to do, when you are living it.
Loved it